LETTER JUST TO THE FAMILY

Since being on the mission I have been able to reflect on my life prior. It's been really awesome, actually. A very unique time to step back and analyze my earth life up until this point. (Wow, all 19 years;)) Idk when else I would get this chance. I feel as if i am standing outside my life looking in. It's weird. The spirit has told me to write out memories from my life where I have felt the spirit. I asked God what I was to do with them & he said to share them with my family. Thx for being my family. I love you all with my entire heart!!!!!!!! SO GLAD WE ARE FOREVER!

This first story happened while my two little brothers were still in heaven? I don't remember exactly but if they were born they were very very little. We were living on Kenwood street so I couldnt have been older than three? Maybe four? Idk. It must have been a Saturday morning because dad was home. I walked around the house several times calling out the names mom, dad & senekah. After checking every room, closet, back yard & having no success I accepted my imminent fate that my family had left me forever & didn't want me with them. I remember  vividly feeling so hopeless. I sat with my back against the wall under the window in our entry room. The cries and screams of a young toddler are piercing, but over all the drama of the scene I heard the still small voice in my mind clear as ever. "Go check the front yard." I hadn't checked out front yet. Immediately standing up, walking out onto our porch & with the small amount of energy left I was able to give my last call "Mom! Dad! Senekah!" The sweet sound of my mother came from around the side of the house. I remember running up and hugging her knees. She let me explain why I was upset. She told me something I already knew but needed to be reminded. "We would never ever leave you." My family was planting trees along the north facing fence that spring day. Looking back now & reflecting on this memory ive realized a few things.

First we must understand that "coincidence is not an appropriate adjective to describe an omnipotent God." (Elder Renlund) How many things do you remember from this early in life? I think it's safe to assume not many. What if my family didn't let me sleep in that day? Specifically the day they were planting trees. If I checked the front yard first I would not have given up and the spirit would not have touched my young heart. 

You get my point here. This is perhaps number one of a million different times I have gone through this cycle thus far in life. Try our best. (And sometimes not our best.) Give up because we believe there will be no success. Humble ourselves and listen to God. And then eventually returning to our tree of life. Ammon: "Now when our hearts were depressed, and we were about to turn back, behold, the Lord comforted us, and said: Go amongst thy brethren, the Lamanites, and bear with patience thine afflictions, and I will give unto you success." (Alma 26:27)

OKAY

The second story happened the day senekah got baptized. I was wearing my pink silky PJs we got from China town in San Francisco(?) It was our house with the long drive way. I was sitting next to Shevs on the stairs but looking through the banister into the room where all the family was sitting & talking. I just remember so distinctly feeling "This is good. I want this forever." Of course I did not fully understand the holy ghost or baptism, but I knew it was a good thing. So when the bishop asked me if I wanted to get baptized (once we were living on Cameo Way) I was able to think of that memory & honestly answer yes. 

The next story took place in the Alta View primary room. At this point in life both senekah and I were in there together. Despite having to sit with our classes we would always try to keep in vision of each other during sharing time or singing time. We started to sing if the savior stood beside me. I remember feeling so confused and embarrassed when I found myself getting emotional. I was answering those questions to myself as we sang them. "If the Savior stood beside me, would I do the things I do? Would I think of His commandments and try harder to be true? Would I follow His example? Would I live more righteously if I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me?" I did not know why but I knew I had to be like the savior. I looked up to find my eyes on senekah who was also crying (No surprise.) Her emotions confirmed to me that what I felt was real. "He is always near me, though I do not see Him there, And because He loves me dearly, I am in His watchful care. So I’ll be the kind of person that I know I’d like to be. if I could see the Savior standing nigh, watching over me."

The fourth experience that came to mind happened while in primary as well. I remember who my teacher was, where I was sitting, & which classroom I was in. And I'm pretty sure it was summer. The lesson that day was on the kingdoms of glory. As Sister Doll (now sister Locke) explained the difference between the three she ended with the most glorified, Celestial kingdom. The spirit hit me so strong. I HAVE TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET THERE. Nothing has ever been more appealing. Ever. As she continued to explain the qualifications I don't remember ever feeling inadequate. Just an extreme sense of motivation to do the things that would allow me to get there. "And, if you keep my commandments and endure to the end you shall have eternal life, which gift is the greatest of all the gifts of God." (Doctrine & Covenants 14:7) I have reflected on this memory A LOT in my life. I often think "hold onto the hope of the eternal rest." In Preach My Gospel chapter six (developing christlike attributes) there is a list of questions you can ask yourself. One of them, under the section of Hope, says "One of my greatest desires is to inherit eternal life in the celestial kingdom of God." When I first read this I thought "ONE OF!? This is THE greatest desire of my heart!" That desire was planted in that classroom by the spirit and has grown over the years. We qualify for eternal life through a process of conversion, of course. This memory, these doctrines (the gospel) has been my foundation for that process, my conversion. "And what is it that ye shall hope for? Behold I say unto you that ye shall have hope through the atonement of Christ and the power of his resurrection, to be raised unto life eternal, and this because of your faith in him according to the promise." (Moroni 7:41)

In 6th grade there was two consecutive days where we had a substitute, Ms. Smith. We were her last class of student teaching before she was able to get her own classroom. After morning recess on the first day she waited until the other students went inside. She had my class sit on the curb outside the school doors. She instructed us to go find something of nature and bring it back. Five or so minutes later we all were back on the curb. Some kids had rocks or leaves. Others had wood chips or grass. I had grabbed a little stick. She told us to look at what we had chosen. Then she told us to look closer. She invited us to consider the smallest part we could see. And then look deeper. I remember noticing the bark peeling off. The micro evidence it was leaving on my fingertips. Turning and considering and feeling this little stick the spirit hit me. "God created the extreme details of this." Woah. If this little twig was so detailed what about the rest of the world? And the people! I began to feel great excitement in my heart. "All things denote there is a God; yea, even the earth, and all things that are upon the face of it, yea, and its motion, yea, and also all the planets which move in their regular form do witness that there is a Supreme Creator." (Alma 30:44) If you can picture Silver Mesa you will know that the curb I was sitting on faces south east (or with a perfect view of the mountains.) I remember looking up and noticing the world in a way my eyes had never been opened enough to see.  

The only time, I can remember, where I have felt as close to heaven as I do now, on my mission, was on trek. Quick back story. This was the summer after my sophomore year in high school. This year was particularly rough for me (and my whole family) for several reasons. The death of grandma Gen and the results it had on my family were very sad. Honestly, I am embarrassed with the way I responded to a lot of the trials that year. I won't get into details but it is sufficient for me to say I was not putting God first. SO back to trek. The entire trip was amazing but the specific memory I go back to was our last night there. We had a beautiful devotional where I knew 800% that my grandma was right there with me and Sen as we were sitting next to each other on a log bench. I felt as if she was saying "izzy, you already know this church is true. Remember the eternal rest? Keep these feelings and memories close." How wonderful is it to know that, because God loves us so much, the spirit world is a part of our plan. Death isn't ever a separation, even when we are still here on earth. Nephi: "He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world" (2 nephi 26:24) As the devotional ended Sen and I walked hand in hand back to our tents. We were so filled with the spirit. Whilst doing so we were acknowledging the wild flowers. Flowers are miracles. He doeth not anything save it be for the benefit of the world!! 

I could write for days and never finish all experiences where I've felt the guidance of heaven. It's actually constant. Simple experiences like the other night my companion and I were knocking doors. It seemed they were not going to answer so I turned and started to walk away. Half way down their steps the spirit said "What are you doing? Turn around and walk back up to that door!" The exact moment my feet returned to their door mat a call from inside "who is it!?".

But that's what God wanted for us when he sent us to Earth. His constant spirit to be with us. And I am so thankful I have been blessed with a portion of his spirit. "And behold, I thank my great God that he has given us a portion of his Spirit to soften our hearts..." (Alma 24:8)

Sooo, yeah. 

Kids remember things. God brings memories back to your heart and mind for learning. God knows you. Silent prayers in your mind are safe and answered. Christ died for you to overcome the little intelligent particles of the universe that demand justice. Eternal rest will be a reality if we repent and follow Christ. All people ever need is to be loved. We are all here and with each other for very specific reasons. As we grow in our testimony of the book of mormon we will be more prepared to accept modern revelation. Jesus is coming soon. Missionary work is the best opportunity God ever blessed me with. Facts.

I LOVE YOU. 

Love, Sister Izzy Smith